Okay. For those of you that don’t know my daily life; here is an update for you.
As many of you know, last fall I started a personal and toxic relationship that lasted a total of five months. As much as I want those months of my life back, I know that can’t happen. The relationship was full of manipulation and angst between the two of us. This relationship was from September 2016 – February 2017. I broke it off. This was the first real relationship I had with another person. I shared my first kiss with this person; we both were convinced that we would get married and grow old together. We talked about getting a dog. But as time went on the more I grew to know that this relationship wasn’t healthy. I knew at the beginning of February that I needed to end the relationship. I didn’t end it till the end of the month. It was not a clean break. It wasn’t clean in the sense that she still held on to hope that we would figure things out and still get married, and that she still contacts me… To this day.
Now that I am six months out from that relationship, I now see and understand how much I learned in that relationship. I am almost thankful for it at this point. I mean, I still want those months of my life back, but I’m thankful for what I learned because it prepared me for the relationship I am in now.
Five things I learned from a toxic relationship:
1) Importance of Communication
In my toxic relationship, as much as we communicated, I was always put in a position where I couldn’t tell her how I was feeling and concerns that I had about our relationship and her health. I learned that I need to stand and say what I am thinking because if I don’t than I am not doing my part in our relationship
The relationship that I am in now, we communicate regularly and aren’t afraid to say what we think. We are genuinely open and honest with each other.
2) When to say, “No”
I am famous for saying, “Yes”, all to often and spreading myself thin and getting burned out physically and financially. Our relationship revolved around going somewhere and doing things that we needed to pay for. We were not comfortable sharing the same space and just relaxing or doing homework. We always had to go somewhere.
My relationship now revolves heavily on one-on-one time and time with each other’s families. This isn’t to say that we don’t go out and enjoy things that we need to pay for. We just find that time with families and time alone watching Netflix and eating Reese’s are two ways that we affectively grow closer.
3) How to Love
I learned that a relationship cannot be sustainable if only one person is truly and madly in love with the other person. A flourishing relationship has two people committed to each other and committed to a Godly relationship. Even though we prayed together for our relationship and for each other, we were not committed to our relationship (both with each other and God).
In my current relationship, even though we don’t pray together as regularly, we both pray individually for out relationship and each other. Everyday we commit our relationship to God and his Glory. We truly and madly are in love with each other.
4) Healthy Service
Healthy Service is a road that runs both ways. If it is one-sided the relationship will fail. Easy way to practice healthy service? Take turns paying when you go out. Or surprise your significant other with their favourite candy.
It’s really just that simple
5) When to leave
I stayed in my toxic relationship because I always weighed the good and bad in the relationship and I said that I wouldn’t leave until the bad out weighed the good. Never wait for that. The longer you wait the harder it is to leave. When you start seeing red flags, Run. Run and don’t look back.
The relationship I am in now, we never plan on leaving or calling it quits. I am positive that this is the woman God has set aside for me and I am the man who God has set aside for her. We are both madly committed to our relationship and will never give up. I love this woman. She lights up my world; I can’t imagine my life without her.
I Can say Confidently:
She is The One!